1 April 1998

Well, it's sad to say, but the band has agreed to all go our separate ways. Lately we've had some musical differences, the most destructive being a feud between the wind and violin sections, involving constant arguing over the superiority of blown reeds vs. bowed strings. I think we'll all be glad for the change, and for a chance to pursue our separate interests. Ashley auditioned successfully and has been cast as the voice of Kenny on "South Park". Tom has been developing some skill as an Elvis impersonator and says he's "considering a move to Memphis." Helene will have more time to devote to sword swallowing, and Jim will be working towards his Glue Gun II proficiency certificate. Amy has been drafted by the Chicago Bulls. Thanks to everyone who has supported us over the years, and we'll stay in touch.

The Management